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I'm a god d*@m alcoholic

Sunday, December 18, 2005

by TaffyPuller

I like to think things happen for a reason. I like to think that the Universe is always sending me messages about the path I'm on. For instance, my bio picture on this blog is that of comedian and actor, Mr. Paul Lynde. He of the acerbic wit. The emperor of center square zingerdom. There was a guy who really knew how to turn his inner torment as an ex-fatty from Ohio into one of the most distinct celebrity personae of the double knit era of American entertainment.

When I have one too many bowls of vodka soup, I turn into the bastard child of Mr. Lynde and Tara Reid. Also, back when I was an escort, I had a client who had actually shared a night of unbridled, popper laden passion with Paul circa 1979. So I feel a certain connection to P Lo. And this DOES NOT SIT WELL WITH ME. Paul Lynde died bitter, boozy and alone. Is this my path? Is this blog a cheaper, untelevised version of center square?

I've considered a 12 step program but, my research into this type of set up was so harrowing I just don't think I can bear it. I went to a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting last year. Not because I have a problem with compulsive sex, mind you. I was just bored and thought it might be fun. OMG, it was NOT what I expected. It was a roomful of unattractive middle aged men moaning on about how hard it is to stay "sexually sober." Maybe I'm missing the point, but I imagine if you looked like some of these guys, you wouldn't have ANY trouble at all NOT having sex. I wanted to raise my hand and point out that if some of them would lose a few pounds and use a good facial moisturizer there would be NO NEED for them to stay "sexually sober." Oh well.

I guess I'll just give in to the Universe. I'll just slip an Hermes scarf around my neck, turn the bulbs on my makeup mirror to the "evening" setting and wait for Paul to tell me what to do next.


Blogger Joshua said...

I thought dying angry, bitter and alone was what being gay was all about. It's certainly why I jumped on the cockwagon!

6:10 AM  

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