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Something Smelly in Lake Wobegone

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

by Bossy Boots

Okay, I have been hating Garrison Keillor for YEARS, ever since high school, when I was assigned to read this essay he wrote about how you are a bad person if you fuck up the company softball game by, like, failing to catch a fly ball or something like that. I know this sounds like it makes no sense, but, really, that is actually what the essay is about! I am not joking! That is really what it’s about! Anyway, if you are the (bad) type of person, like me, who was totally traumatized in early childhood by softball Ayatollahs, you should track down this essay and read it because it will totally make you thirsty for smarmy Wobegone blood. (I hear it tastes like Coca Cola!)

(Confidential to Brian: Speaking of softball, I hope you kicked some New Yorker ass last night…)

Anyway, I have never been a Garrison Keillor fan, but today’s essay in Salon really sinks to a level of vileness that I was totally unprepared for in terms of clueless, veiled, liberal aw’ shucks homophobia. Basically it is about an out of towner with orange hair and a pierced navel who shows up at a barbeque in quaint, down-home Mitchell, South Dakota and wows the crowd by being “young, smart and funny,” not to mention “slender,” despite her decidedly alternative and “flamboyant!!” countenance. I am wowed too, and I have not even met this edgy gal!

Mr. Blue’s point, here, is, of course, that:
“There are plenty of old grumblers in Mitchell (and anywhere else) but deep down, we're all in favor of people living their lives as they choose and we are fond of true independents and adventurers and gypsy musicians. Red or blue, we agree that freedom is at the heart of American life and it's a big country and there's room for everybody…”
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