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A New Grandma in Town

Friday, July 22, 2005

by Bossy Boots


O Hillary. Who would have guessed that you were such a prig after you rubbed that nice lesbo’s head and everything?! And to think that I defended you. I should have known better. First you start chilling with Newt Gingrich. Now this. Maybe you and Dear Prudie should start some kind of sewing circle for uptight old fishwives.

When are these annoying middle-class moralists going to learn? Yes, ripping on (pick one: video games, movies, The Simpsons, teen blowjob parties, Slap Bracelets) may score some quick, cheap political points with vapid, out-of-touch Million Mom March types who have no room left in their brains for anything beyond their childrens’ incredibly complex carpool schedules. But go to that well too many times, Hillary, and you come off looking like a fascist and an idiot. Ask poor Tipper! It happened to her!

Yes, I know it’s hard for hypocrite baby-boomer Laydies of the Cul De Sac to wrap their heads around the fact that some things in the world—even video games—were not intended for the purpose of entertaining Little Zachary/Zoe. We are, after all, talking about a generation too technologically confused to figure out which button to press to answer a cell phone. But can’t we please leave the censorship and Family Values pyrotechnics to the despicable right wing inquisitors and prissy republican girlymen who are so good at it?

I guess that’s too much to ask for; after all, there are vacuuming hausfraus to be pandered to. So chalk one up for the rising Granny State. This explains why New York is starting to smell like moth balls, lavender water, and Glade plug-ins.

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